You'd have thought that, during a time when consumers across the land are tightening their purse strings and re-educating themselves in the forgotten art of saying 'no', banks would be desperate to retain their customers.

And considering their urgency to charge us at every given opportunity - to put cheques in, to take money out, to phone them, to set foot though their door - you might also have thought that they'd at least want to get their customer service right.

So I'm utterly baffled that yet another 'banks are bad at customer service' story came up this week.
 
Actually, not that baffled. Consider this bewildering example of customer service: the building society I have my savings account at has a policy of only letting you access your money if you have your bank card, a form of ID, and a bank statement.

I was only informed of this yesterday, when I stupidly tried to withdraw cash with just my card and my driving license.

“Um, sorry, madam, but you need to have a bank statement, a urine sample, toenail clippings, and a detailed list of the last five people you’ve had intimate contact with to prove account ownership,” said the simian creature behind the counter.

“Sorry? I’ve never needed that before…”

“The rule has always been there, madam,” he said.

“No it hasn’t. No one has ever said that before.”

“People have probably been using their discretion. The bank is cracking down on it now, though. To reduce the queues.”

I couldn’t help but glance pointedly over my left shoulder, where a vast line had built up during our exchange.

“So every single person I’ve spoken to over the last five years has been ‘using their discretion’?”

“Yes, madam.”

“And the fact that it actually says my name on the card – that doesn’t prove account ownership?”

“No, madam.”

“And you can’t use your discretion now?”

“No, madam. Sorry.”

He wasn’t sorry. Banks never seem to be: this week's customer service story criticised their online services. Over a third of the 52 banks questioned don’t publish an email contact address on their website, and over two thirds didn’t even encrypt their communication channels.

Just a minute, though, I hear you cry. Online customer service? Pah! That's nothing compared to a survey in January, which found that one in five banks had failed to pass the cut in interest rates to their mortgage borrowers.

Out of the 103 mortgage lenders questioned, 18 hadn’t reduced their standard variable rates, and 16 had cut rates by less than the Bank of England’s reduction of 0.25%.

That, dear reader, means even if you have managed to secure yourself a loan, there's a one in five chance you're paying back too much.

I interviewed Giles Andrews from Zopa last week, which was a breath of fresh air. Zopa is a peer-to-peer lending site, which means you can get a loan with an interest rate based on your credit rating. It also means you don't have to interract with any bank employees: bonus.

The banks are treating their customers like dirt, and I think it's time we gave them a run for their money.

The Sunday Times summed it up well this week: “On the whole, banks are no longer interested in long-term relationships with clients through good times and bad. If you are not contributing to profits today, then thank you and good night.”