As financial markets recover from arguably the most turbulent week in modern economic history, journalists across the nation have been faced with a dilemma.
Having pretty much exhausted the use of the terms ‘credit crunch’ (18,435 mentions in the British media in the past week, according to Google) and ‘economic downturn’ (5,919 mentions) as shorthand for the past year’s economic activity, creatively challenged hacks have been puzzling new ways to express the current financial situation.
‘Economic turmoil’ is presently gaining in popularity, with 1,050 mentions. A friend, clearly resigned at the state of the markets, suggested ‘monetary armageddon’ as a possibility, before renouncing capitalism, converting all his assets into gold, and buying a large number of canned goods ‘just in case’.
PRs, on the other hand, are having a field day. For weeks now, the City has been deserted, silent but for the gluttonous laughter of feral PRs feasting on the misery and pain of disconsolate bankers and failed entrepreneurs.
Tenuous credit crunch-related press releases we’ve received have covered just about everything, from the rise of plastic surgery – ‘Credit crunch workers are undergoing cosmetic treatments over fears their appearance is holding them back at work,’ stated a particularly questionable release; to the economic benefits of the Jet Sleeper, a pillow developed especially for the insomniac traveller who is balking at the (infrequent but nonetheless appalling) cost of using an airline-supplied pillow.
“It’s shocking that airlines are starting to charge for pillows,” exaggerated Tim Williams, inventor of the Jetsleeper, in this particularly dubious attempt at linking the credit crunch to his product. For ‘airlines’ read one airline: US-based carrier JetBlue.
But really – what use is this kind of pettiness when the world’s financial markets are in turmoil? People are losing cash hand over fist! Worry not, though: the Jetsleeper is the answer to all our woes. “Jetsleepers can be used over and over again, which means no more second-hand airline pillows. For £20 passengers can effectively upgrade and save money,” Well, thank god for that.
If there’s a reason for a product to be linked to the downturn – like the press release which has just popped into my inbox from an insurance company recommending that businesses ensure they are covered against the effects if the downturn – then by all means, seize it, use it, abuse it, and throw in some statistics while you’re at it.
If, on the other hand, you’re looking for something to make your new self help book/designer coffee mug/novelty egg timer appeal to the business market: please don’t use the same tired cliché. There’s got to be a more creative way to do it.
